He Knows People...

 

One of the greatest challenges currently facing mankind is the tracking and eradication of personal wind.

It has been estimated that human emissions constitute around twenty percent of all greenhouse gasses, and are a significant factor in breaking up many a good party.  The answer is simple: a penalty on flatulence will encourage everyone to adopt a more responsible attitude towards gas.   But who do we fine?  We may have smelt it, but can we really say for certain who dealt it?

Well, yes - we can now, thanks to
Fartography®

Its inventor, the celebrated innovator Professor Jez Moonbeam, claims that Fartography® is a foolproof new system for tracing a wayward guff back to its source.  "Smells can often linger for some time after the event," says the Professor.  "This can be a real downer for everyone, especially if there is inadequate ventilation.  But it does mean that we have a chance of fingering the culprit."

The way it works is this:  an official police Fartographer® will visit the scene of the crime and use a specially adapted camera, using smell-sensitive film, to take a Fartograph®.  When developed, the offending trump will show up like a vapour trail on the Fartographic Print®, allowing forensic experts to trace it back to its bottom of origin.

"I see this technology as an important step forward for humankind, and an invaluable weapon in the continuing battle for decent standards of air quality,"  Professor Moonbeam said as he let one go in his kitchen yesterday morning.  "And, believe me, this is only the beginning!"  he added.  "Next up, I'm working on an alarm clock that can detect disturbances in the stomach and give early warning of an imminent and catastrophic belch... Oops, pardon me.™"

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